The day I realized I was selfish

Two days ago.   That's how long it's been since I realized I am a selfish person.   K has pointed it out before but I never believed him.  "Selfish!", I'd state incredulously, "ask anyone. They'd never describe me that way" (that's a direct quote from these lovely and humble lips of mine).

As we are prone to do, from time to time, we got into one of our arguments...the kind where he shakes his head at me while I cross my arms at him and we wonder if the other person will ever understand us.  Lying on our bed, hours after we'd begun, he admitted that I made him feel as though I value other relationships more than I value our marriage.  It was in attempting to explain to him why this wasn't the case that my selfishness was undeniable.

I didn't feel that he was asking me to realize and act like the value of my marriage is beyond that of any outside entity.  I was sure he was telling me to choose between what he wanted versus what I wanted, to decide between him or me.  And if those were my options, I choose me. I choose to protect myself, to do whatever I need to make sure I feel okay, to do what makes me happy.

I choose me.

Has there ever been a more selfish sentence uttered or written?


There's a whole list of reasons why I choose me, none of them pretty, but it all comes down to my lack of trust, especially in God.  How clever of a design that my marriage relationship reflects my spiritual one. 

Here's to being less selfish, more trusting, and strengthening the two relationships that matter the most to me. Cheers.