Wednesday, June 10, 2015

It's hard for me to write this post

I had loooooong ago given up true hope that I would be a mama.  The thought of cuddling, of raising, of loving a little one that looked to K and I for all its needs had become too much of a burden to bear and so I had let it go.  Even as we inched closer to figuring out how to start the adoption process, I was extremely careful to keep myself in check. I had given my heart, with all its hopes and dreams and joy and pain, over to the Lord and I was finally in a place that I could breathe again. Now, to be clear, it would be a stretch to say that I was over it - this whole never being a mama thing - but I was ready (really, really, really ready) to move on to something that didn't hold so much hurt for me.

On the other hand, K hadn't reached the end of his wishful, hopeful thinking.  He asked that, when I was emotionally ready, we give it two more tries.  I agreed to his request because I was sure I had nothing to gain or lose except the couple of months worth of treatment it would take to be in the exact spot we always were when it came to this baby making business. Plus, if all it took to give him peace of mind so that we could move on was just two more cycles then sign me up.

We met with our new fertility specialist (thank you new insurance for offering infertility treatment coverage) and were able to start treatments that day.  I was ready to throw the kitchen sink at the issue but K wanted to ease into things so we opted for oral medication, injections, and a lovely, romantic thing called timed intercourse, where a doctor tells you the exact times you should be getting it on.   It is, actually, more romantic than the alternative I was ready to try where they just inject K's swimmers into my uterus and we call it a day.  

And this is the part of the story where we come full circle.  It's hard for me to write this post because, in perfect honesty, I'd given up the hope that I'd ever have the pleasure.

K and I actually, finally made a baby. We eagerly anticipate the arrival of our sweet, little girl in December.